Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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