He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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