Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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