You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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