So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
