i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just tell him i said nine months
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
