why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
