so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Sober January is a disaster.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
