I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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