pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
