glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
