I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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