Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
