She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
this hospital has no fireball
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize