you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
