I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
