my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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