All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
