I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
