She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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