Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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