We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
