I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
