I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
