i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
