the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
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My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
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The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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