Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the condom got lost in my hair
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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