How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
love makes seman taste better
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
