it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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