but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
