I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Is Oprah even human
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