one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
