he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
