she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize