those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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