even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Randomize
