next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
