Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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