btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
