4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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