didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
