i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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