I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This baby is an asshole
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
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