Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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