The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
