at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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