I want to have your abortion
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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