don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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