Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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