i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
