Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
