No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
