He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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