Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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