you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
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I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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