I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
