do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
