..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
