I love having hate sex.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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