apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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