I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
