please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
