I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
