Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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