I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
