Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
